I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
