Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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