Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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