Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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