I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am naked and annoyed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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