how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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