And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
