It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
