My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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