Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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