Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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