i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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