I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
