You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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