Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
