Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
