It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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