I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Two words: blizzard sex
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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