I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
