I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize