The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
