I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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