he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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