just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
