I have demons in me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
