i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just forgot I was standing up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
