You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
