dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
