every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize