i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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