sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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