I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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