Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize