uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
