trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I touched a dick in church today
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
