How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
