id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
