Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize