apparently the secret to your success is patron
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
