It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They are going to name an STD after you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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