My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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