just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
