We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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