so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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