She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
