So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
