I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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