He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Terrible idea I love it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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