walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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