How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
