I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
