somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
People in love make me want to vomit
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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