I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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