The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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