You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
