Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
