I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
