saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
