who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
