apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm at about main and main street
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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