I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
