Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
