We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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