Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I will die if light touches me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
