By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
