Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
