break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So much rum. So many feels.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
