It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
