I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
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