oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
