My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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