You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm bleeding and have questions
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
