he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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