Plan B is the new Plan A
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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