before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
