why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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