Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize