so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
