The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
