mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize