I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
