I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
