Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
