mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
