I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize