You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
