I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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