Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
