so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
