I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
