Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
