I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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