ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
