I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
