if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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