Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
