people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
