I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
