I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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