Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Less talking, more tequila
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
