I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
