Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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