You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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