pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
